Far From Perfect

Far From Perfect.

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Good Bye Little D!

Some pics of the new house!

My Front Porch Baby!

 

 

My 31 lbs lighter in standing in my New Living Room!

The Built-In’s Kim’s Room

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My Garden 2012

My Garden 2012

Yellow and Red Better Boy Tomatoes along with French Marigolds!

First off Huge Thanks to my hubby Randy for working the ground and making this little garden flourish! Well I finally got my garden and more tomatoes than I will know what to do with. I plan on canning homemade salsa. Nom Nom!

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Little D

Hey Eveyone I know it has been a while since I last wrote something, and I apologize for that. I was all gungho about this blogging thing and I guess you could say I have had writers block..LOL. There is so much I want to share but on the other hand I don’t want pitty. Ya know what I mean?

Things are just crazy here in Knoxville. The news is scary to watch! Across the street a young man age 19 was shot to death in front of his Mother!
Can you imagine the horror ? He was only 19, and involved in a local gang. A rival gang member killed him and he is only 18. WOW is all that comes to mind after the tears of the thought of losing Kim. We live Austin Homes. It’s on of Knoxville’s Projects. There are several around here and this one’s nick name is Little D. for little Detroit.   The crime is on the rise here. Parents are pulling in there kidos at the first site of darkness. Folks get drunk or high around the first of the month, so there is a lot of arguing outside for the whole world to hear. Folks peeing outside my kitchen window, even though they are here visiting someone!!! Damn didn’t your Momma teach ya any manners?? If you need to pee I will gladly let you use my bathroom all you have to do is ask!

Hearing gun shots in the night here is common place here lately.  On any given day the TBI and FBI are banging on someones door, full guns drawn, canine unit and all. It’s very very scary. Most of the time I can witness this from my front window.  And now to know there is a murder in my very own backyard is very unsettling! I am afraid for Kim and Randy. They both leave the house in the mornings and it’s still dark outside. I try not to show I am afraid but I am. Not a month ago, while Randy was at the bus stop, a stabbing happened 200 feet from him. The man was stabbed by his girlfriend over drugs.

Randy and I both will be 48 next year, and Kim 16. This thought terrifies me for some reason. I really don’t want to spend another year here. Don’t get me wrong..I love my apartment, neighbors and the conveince of where we live. Just that damn do people have to act so stupid???

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My SissyPoo

Sister Poem

Why I love my sister

The Importance Of A Sister

© Shiv Sharma
A sister is someone who loves you from the heart,
No matter how much you argue you cannot be drawn apart.
She is a joy that cannot be taken away,
Once she enters your life, she is there to stay.

A friend who helps you through difficult times,
Her comforting words are worth much more than dimes.
A partner who fills your life with laughs and smile,
These memories last for miles and miles.

When she is by your side, the world is filled with life,
When she is not around, your days are full of strife.
A sister is a blessing, who fills your heart with love,
She flies with you in life with the beauty of a dove.

A companion to whom you can express your feelings,
She doesn’t let you get bored at family dealings.
Whether you are having your ups or downs,
She always helps you with a smile and never frowns.

With a sister you cannot have a grudge,
She is as sweet as chocolate and as smooth as fudge.
Having a sister is not just a trend,
It is knowing you can always turn to her, your best friend.

Kati, Cathy, Connie, Kim

I spoke with my Sissypoo..well that is what I call her, tonite all excited about how good I am feeling on this journey of mine. I am very excited I recieved my new All You magazine today. There is an article that I can actually do! Walk Off weight fast.

Cathy has inspired me to really and truly live my life and not just exist anymore. This woman has done up and meet a perfect stranger, fell in love, and now there will be a wedding. WOW. I meet this stranger last weekend. I can’t remember the last time I saw her so happy. And living her life. She has lost soo much weight, is a wonderful MOM to Kati, and she loves her self. KUDOS you Cathy! I mean it. I love ya more than Chocolate! You are the wind beneath my wings Cathy.

 

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Stairs

 

Mother to Son

Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So, boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps.
‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now—
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

Langston Hughes

These are my girls Kim and Molly.

I didn’t grow up with an example of a mother in my life, but I am able to for Kim. Yesterday was a great day for our family. Kim goes to a school that is pretty far from us. The city bus line doesn’t even get close, Kim has missed many chances to participate in school things, dances, ROTC things, sports events and such. I know it’s gotta be hard to tell folks ” I can’t cause we don’t have a car.” being 15 and just trying to find your way. For many many weeks now Kim has been on our butts about getting a car. Many times it ends in tears because it is just not possible right now. We have missed soo many things with her. I just keep telling her “It won’t always be this way and we just have to do what we can. Life is not always easy” God knows Kim is trying to understand. 

She presented colors a couple of weeks ago at a home game. Kim was chosen by her Commanding Officer along with a few others. From what I understand it is an honor to be chosen. Of course we missed seeing her, but she didn’t really ride my butt about it. We talked about how the experience was and such. I was proud of her in that moment, very proud! 

Yesterday morning you could just see the excitement in the house. Randy and I would finally be able to see Kim march in with the others in her JR ROTC  kids. Her school was chosen to participate in the local Vet Day Parade here in downtown Knoxville!! It was walking distance at that..well about 1/2 a mile. I knew it was gonna be a tough walk but I did it! When Kim left for school she and I didn’t quite know if I would be able to make it, (FEET are KILLIN ME Lately!)….So to see the JOY and EAR to EAR Grin on my girls face to see her Dad and Mom, together, WHEW i need a tissue. WOW! She broke rank for a couple of seconds but no harm done. She was to keep marching in formation no matter what ..per Commander. LIfe is GOOD!! Thank you to all whom have served our country!

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Got Dream?

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams-die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

Langston Hughes

My dream is to love my daughter, like my mother would have loved me, if given the chance. I don’t know the whole story and now never will due to my fathers death some 13 years ago. My father decided my mother was not worthy of having us kids in her life and I finally meet her at the age of 23. I am lucky if i hear from her once a year now. I don’t know what it’s like to miss her, because I don’t know what it’s really like to have her in my life.  So with that said. I am living my dream. Today while helping  Kimberly bandage her toe after having a nail removed, I realized something. I realized I am giving Kim what my mother couldn’t give me. Seeing her soo scared, trying to be strong and scared shitless about the needle. Whew! I thought she was just being dramatic like most 15yr girls are. When I saw the sweatty pits she had..I knew then how frightened she was. After all was said and done. Her way of telling me she loved me was holding my hand on the bus all the way home. I love my Dream.

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