The Road Not Traveled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost

This week has been one of self discovery in a big way. Not having any Gal Pals in my life, I was invited to attend a BBQ tonite. Of course I made up some sorry excuse why I couldn’t go. Ohh my gallbladder is acting and I have nothing to offer. I was kindly reminded by my newly made friend, I had plenty to offer. My company was enough. So I told her I would let her know in an hour. Meanwhile I had been making homemade soup all day. While stirring the pot and tasting to see if it was just right, it hit me..I do have something to offer. My soup. I love to make this soup because it is Kim’s fav! Seeing the utter joy on your child face when they have their favorite meal does something to a Momma’s heart. So I quickly called my Gal Pal and told her I have soup to offer and PLZZZ come get me. This is a FIRST for me EVER. I don’t go and visit people. Just never really been invited. And I am not very comfortable around new folks especially SKinny Mini’s.

I took the road not traveled and had an amazing experience. We had a bon fire tonite after supper and was asked if I wanted to write something to give to the fire. I didn’t have a clue what in the world she (Jevim) was talking about. So I said sure why not. She handed me a small amount of Lavender and a blank peice of paper to write on. Told me to write what ever I wanted to get rid extra baggage stuff. ..It felt awkward but how bad could it be..everyone was doing it. So I wrote my thinggie, put all my energy into thought of what I wrote. Offered the fire the lavender for burning my baggage. As I stood there concentrating on the fire and smelling the lavender, a feeling of relief came over me. I asked the fire to take the fear of discovering who I really am, away. It was just an amazing feeling. I can’t explain it. So hence if I didn’t travel the untraveled road today, I would have not meet such loving women!

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Extreme Couponing???

I have been trying to make my little food budget stretch as far as I possibly can. Joined a couple of groups to see what all the hubbub is about. Damn some of these women are vicious when it comes to trading. I just want to get rid of my coupons I don’t use. Would love to have someone use them that needs them not to STOCK up for the WINTER!! It’s almost like a cat fight!…WOW Gals are astonished when I say I only use food coupons. WOW..

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Ready or not Here I come!

Hello World! My name is Connie.  I am really new, I mean really new to the whole blogging thing so please be patient with me.

I am sooo damn ready to start living my life and not just existing! Existing has gotten me no where fast. What it has gotten me is 175 lbs overweight and not sure of whom I am anymore. I feel like I have no direction anymore. I am soo tired of this unhealthy body I am living in. It quits before I am ready to. The feet start burning, the legs feel so heavy and just feeling the flesh giggle as I walk makes me depressed. So back in May I decided to do something about it and stop bitching once and fore all!   I have been going  to the Tennessee Weight loss Center here in Knoxville, and so far I have lost 19lbs. There are only a couple of things to do before the request of Sleeve surgery is presented to the insurance company for approval for the Vertical Gastric Sleeve. I haven’t managed to save anything towards my program fee of $570. My fiance works a minimum wage job. He had surgery and has been out for a month, which really bit out budget to hell.

So during this financial crisis I ask my self..”Self..What if you are not pushing yourself as hard as you possibly could? Do you love your self enough to push to the limit?” I guess I am gonna find out! I decided that I HAVE to push, pull, struggle, cry and push some more if I am going to find ME again. I need to do this for myself as well as my children. My youngest, Kimberly is 15. She is such a great kid! I want to be able to meet her friends and not feel like I am embarrassing her because her mother is morbidly obese. I want to be here when she need to laugh, cry, and when she marries. I have a wonderful Fiance whom is very supportive.

MyFitnessPal has become a real eyeopener. I was reading a post that someone wrote..”Do you log everything you eat? Or do you not eat something so you don’t have to log it?” This really really made me think. I eat and don’t log..too embarrased even if sometimes I am the only one that sees my food tracking. This has to change.

I have to find out what my relationship with food is! Why I keep doing this crap to myself.

2012 Goals

By March 16th have lost my first 50lbs! Happy B-day to me.

My weight goal is to lose 100 in 12months.

My personal goal to feel like a bride on my wedding day next fall.

My physical goal is to go on a hiking trip with my daughter Kimberly.

My spiritual goal is to Let Go and Let God!

Now lets GIT”ER DUN!

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